attorney !!!!!!!!!!?
- These are from a book called “Disorder in the American Courts”, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin’ me?
_________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh…. I was gettin’ laid!
_________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
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WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin’ me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
_________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
_________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh….are you qualified to ask that question?
_________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Answer by cherry.fructis
HAHAHA. unbelievable xD - As a Attorney, how many years of law school would you have to complete and have anyone heard of a Malpractice Attorney ??? What is their Career ???
Answer by QueenLori
First you need a Bachelors degree (4 years), then you can go to law school. If you attend law school full-time, it will take you three years to get thru that. And then forever to pay off student loans. - Also, don’t copy down from the dictionary if you don’t know. We’re doing a school court case thing tomorrow, and I was elected to be the prosecuting attorney. What is your job as a prosecuting attorney? Why would someone want to be a prosecuting attorney? What skills would someone hoping to be a prosecuting attorney require? What is your goal as a prosecuting attorney?
Answer by Mark
The P.A. is an employee of government who is hired to bring criminal charges and to try to convict the accused, either by persuading the accused to plead guilty or by convincing a jury to convict. You might want to become a prosecutor for any of a number of reason: a desire to see criminals behind bars and maybe even executed once in a while; maybe a desire to improve your legal resume, to show that you can do a variety of things in the legal profession; maybe a desire to appeal to the general public because you also intend to run for an elected office in the state or federal government. Any person with a law degree can become a prosecutor; the person in the office of P.A. probably intends to hire people who have SOME experience with doing courtroom work, but even those people who are completely inexperienced CAN get hired too, provided that they “start small,” and don’t get involved with prosecuting major crimes at first.
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